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Archive for the ‘enlightment’ Category

Conscious and Unconscious mind

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15:57

I realized that I have accomplished nothing about my study…my own research, too many distractions and inabilities to penetrate the essence of study. I have failed to have a good score on a test that this dragged me down despite of the unnecessary feeling of disdainful. Inevitably, I have reserved myself this kind of feeling somewhere. Got to loose grip on it in order to continue on a healthy conscious condition. Recently I put interest in topic about conscious and unconscious mind. How much is the percentage of each of them in controlling us everyday? In which part of activity does one of them mostly being dominant or taking control? This is quite interesting because somehow the unconscious feeling can come up to the surface and surpass the conscious feeling. This can be quite annoying or maybe somehow useful. But when and how this could happen? Now I remember when I finally decided to join a volunteer work. It was always my unconscious state that make decision for me. And it turned out to be the best decision. Surely at that moment I didn’t realize it and had no clue of what reasons or what made it happens. Often I am between more than one choices and it takes me a gut to choose with whatever reason I can think of at that crucial moment. I know I am not a good reasoner. Perhaps some of my close friends consider me slow thinker, but I can assure most of the time I even don’t need to think of the reason to make a good choice. I just follow my unconscious mind that for about 33 years has been following me and be skillful in judging situation. This alone is not the case. I have committed to obey the commands to love despite of all the difficulties in me, the consciousness of me that always put me in difficult situation, yet the unconscious part by the help of God has put victory over the conscious one. This to my relief has been continually developed in my character ever since I made my first commitment to love. Now I have found at least two good books about conscious and unconscious mind works under different author, one is about writing a dissertation, and the other is about judging by instinct in first few seconds. I haven’t finished reading them but only several days now, and it proves to be useful in training myself both academically and socially.

time, the most precious gift ever

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Beginning from a need to write a good presentation or essay, I am so concerned that I found out I wasn’t quite able to express my thought. In an academic realm, this is supposed to be a disaster since written expression is the only prove of thought or idea, needless to say numbers and images. This is heart-breaking and I was mourning for weeks, not to mention the desperation when I was in the middle of discussion either privately or in group.

My poor skill of writing I was intended to develop in graduate school has been wasted somehow. At the beginning until now though still unclear, I am beginning to understand how by the help of many dear friends around me both direct and indirect conversation and brain-storming. Those unspeakable friends even in their silence have been so helpful in encouraging me, yet I know very well how stubborn I have been thus far to just begin to write until now.

What has been the most obtrusive blockage is apparently my poor traits, being stubborn and slumber. Now that I came to realize it, I am beginning to use the given time and all resources all together to be a more functional student, servant, and member of society. There are so many good resources countless like a very comfortable small library inside the campus about 15 minutes walk from home. It provides me the quietness, furniture, magazines, books, and everything that can support to good study. Good advisor is also in my lab that is available at any given time to listen to my confusion. Good lab mates especially every week during discussion, so called seminar, where I could get some ideas and develop my listening and response skill. Good weather, now ever since I learn how to master the weather and use the advantage of less-humid seasons with long low and steady temperature which is good for human brain to keep working during day hours. Lastly, time is the most resources I ever felt thankful. There is no other time better than now when the most I could afford is time.

Though I understood, it was hard for me to really appreciate what I got until I lost it. First hand experience is always the best to make me understand of something better. Taming myself is what I need, yet the most and first difficult task. My weakness is once again made perfect in His perfection. I learn desperation that draws hope away from me, my ex lover, my parents, my professor, my seniors, to  the Most High. Procrastination doesn’t lead me no where but stagnant, no, but waste. Procrastination is a waste, and a big lost when time is the most precious gift.

It is not that everybody knows that already, but how that every one put it into practice is the essence. For every individual is a single unit of creation with a unique frame of personality and a set of creative thoughts. This would bring amazement when it comes into realization. I am hoping that I will soon be a part of the universe not apart from it. Inclusive not seclusive. Exercising is the whole point of becoming professional which is happened not in a single night. While still hoping for a miracle in every single moment with the Almighty.

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