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Posts Tagged ‘character’

about my brother

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After I called my mother, I always got stunning news. My brother still could not get the satisfactory result of his job hunting. Now about my brother, he’s only a year older than me, just got married but doesn’t have job yet. I am so concerned about him until now, but honestly do not know how to help. When I went home to visit my family last December, I gave him money along and told him to find job with that only lil money. At that time I really emphasized that it was a loan, so he needed to return after he found a job. I hope this would encourage him. I know job opportunity is scarce world-widely. Even more for my brother who has no skill and experience in general. He apparently doesn’t like to work and break sweat. He doesn’t like to do trivial things. That is why it is difficult to find job suitable for him. Mom and dad have difficulty to encourage him and give advices to him. Perhaps thousand times and still he could not find any. I heard him once got a job, but then soon got fired because he could not do as instructed or something. My sister reported to me.

I was grown up with him. I believed that since I was child I always looked up at him and tried to excel him. I am a competitor. My scores were always above average, but his was always under. When he showed his subtle hatred toward me, I knew but I did not care. I always thought about myself and did my best in everything. I was perfectionist. I could sense whenever our parents looked at or talked about me with favor to the exaggerating point, he showed subtle contempt at me even though I could not remember what and how. I just felt insecure whenever I got good scores or appraised by parents. That’s why I understood my brother’s feeling toward me and kept silent when he did violent attitude. I was only a stupid and annoying kid. I knew if I reported him, parents would scold him violently. He was as rebellious as I am. Parents are strange. They said they love us but they show favoritism just because I scored better than my brother. I never could have the right motivation to study or even to do my hobby in music cheerfully because I felt insecure in achieving appraisal over my achievement. Good scores no longer bring happiness to me, because my brother would be off with me.

I love playing instrument with simple tunes. Sometimes, during my break, I hummed a jingle in my mind and put some lyrics in it. I wanted to create a full song, but soon it’s gone just like that. I never could remember how it sounds like. I dreamed of having my own piano, that’s why when I got pianika, piano-harmonika, in 6th grade though not as what I wanted, I still felt joy and played it happily. I wonder who threw it away since it must have been broken long time ago.

My brother doesn’t have a hobby, if collecting money is not one. He loves money too much in a real sense. Once he lost money in such a big amount. Twice, I remember now. Once when he lost it, he was in a bus or during a motor ride to home. Second was a deception. He trusted a local company which offered high interest in savings. No longer after that he lost it and seemed very hard to get it back. I didn’t know whether he already reported to police, but he’s not the only one.

My brother seems never learn anything. I didn’t write this for his bad, but since he hardly listens to people especially me, I can only write this in order to get some idea of how to help him. I understand his not wonderful past experience, but since we could not change it, I wish he would learn something and start doing things for his own good. For his future not only present time. I will pray for him to be grown up and mature.

Looking through a mirror

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Been three working days I spent at home. Unproductive. Currently I do not go to Lab at all. Nothing seems to move me out of my room. I also do not feel urgency to do something at my desk station. Perhaps the notion of examination aftermath is occupying.

I just spent my days on searching for lost and unfinished telenovela (“corazon salvaje”, meaning wild heart) and long time but still on-going manga (skip beat) and the anime (skip beat), and watching anime of “yamato nadeshiko shichi henge”. I like the story of a girl fighting to be grown-up through many struggling about faith and love and their existence.

The leading actor of the telenovela died of heart attack at age 41. This was surprising. The story of “corazon salvaje” is simply romantic with the setting of Caribbean during the aristocratic period, my favorite setting. Woman in long and beautiful gown with all the accessories just like in fairy world. The characters of both antagonist and protagonist were so strong and so romantic about love-bound, forgiving, and status upgrade in society. Well, I did not just enjoy the story because of the romantic reason of the leading actor, but also because of the faith of the leading actress in the story. I found similar story in firelight, starring sophie marceau, whose acting is a mother who is love-bound to her child and the child’s father. She was a surrogate mother from a real relationship though. Apart from the cliche love story of a beautiful woman and an abandoned child, the whole story supports the pure motive of love and that it has reward in the end. One character can hold underneath anger and dissapointment, yet as soon as he recognized, he was able to recover and get his life back. One point to ponder is there is almost no one has  pure motive since people are changeable, but faith can overcome along with hope and love. I do not say this is recommendable drama. It is just one of dramas that I extract the good points.

Skip beat also offers similar story of how a teenager fights for her life back after being dumped by her boyfriend. The story about controlling anger and the way to overcome those anger seem so realistic even though the media is just 2 dimensional. The character of the young lady is passionate yet also sometimes low-spirited. The manga told the detail flow of how she overcomes her weaknesses and using her experiences to help her gaining her confidence. She is working as an actress and she started from the scratch, yet her job is only fitting her character, lovable and caring person, sensitive to matters, and passionate. Somehow I can put myself in her situation, despite of mere imagination, her character is real sometimes in me. Then, I can learn how to bring myself into good motivation.

Another on-going drama is Yamato nadeshiko shichi henge, telling us a story of a teenager girl who has low confidence of herself from being traumatic and so having acute social phobia. Somehow she has many strong points despite of her weaknesses. She once was told ugly by irresponsible person, feeling hurt and unable to see her own face somehow I can portray her character in myself as a journey of being a lady. There are times when I refuse to see my own image through the mirror, because I just see only the uglyness, even though nobody insulted me of being ugly, yet like Sunako, the main character, I refuse to recognize the beautiful me. But when other people see it, they may help me to grow and strengthen me and other people is the agent of character building.

I enjoyed all the story about girl and woman…because honestly I am in a search for my strong character and personality. I lost figure of mother because I lost confidence and disable to trust people whom I love. Yet, my mother is a very strong character and she is also a fight woman in raising her children. Thanks mom for raising us into a beautiful person that I could reach my dream of being a lady.

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