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Posts Tagged ‘peace’

complexity vs peace

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Today I have felt another complicated and complexed feeling, but soon I realized it no longer has control over me. I CAN choose what I feel and what I do not want to feel because it is just a feeling…not more than that. I was in trouble because of many kinds of feeling, such as regret, love, like, dislike, abandoned, hate, discouraged, rejected, left-out, bound, entailed, nervous, even right or wrong…and still a long list to go. Well, as I am learning about self-acceptance which is becoming my main menu for this month’s prayer points, I learn to be more patient with myself which is in turn giving me more power to be patient with anybody else around me.

Then, my power alone is no longer what I shall count on, because I can be tired easily mentally and spiritually…thankfully I have God that its meaning is super in everything…whom I can rely on whenever I feel tired of myself, my thoughtlessness, my relentless nights, my selfishness, my weakness, my carelessness, my addicted behavior, and even my picky behavior…especially when I got lost in my own translation.

Second, I learn to choose the best again…this is like having a second life that was offered to me once again. As what is written above, what Jesus means to me? His death and his resurrection seem like boring, year round commemoration, without anything so much different like nothing seems to change the world by celebrating it. Likewise, what’s the difference if I celebrate it or not? Seems like a pagan question huh? Hmm, yet I do believe this thought is somewhere lingering in minds of every believer and is seeking for a definite answer.

But then, I found out that the best answer is what if there is nothing to celebrate? That Jesus was only died on the cross for a real deathly sin. That he never was raised to life again. That Jesus was only a mere historical figure. That nothing was meaningful from that happening about two thousands years ago. That he was only the founder of a cult called Christians. Would it mean to be a Christian then?

Yet the answer is always within my reach…not so far. It was given within my understanding, based on what I could grasp upon. Who has given me food/clothes/basic needs? Who has answered my prayer? Who has been taking care of my family? Who has healed me? Who has given me peaceful mind during my worst battle of mind? Whom I depend on for the toughest question of life? Whom I depend on for my future? Whom I hide in when I fear of unknown matter? Who has given me life above all? Even death, the most fearful reality no one would deny is conquered by one name, the most powerful among other name.

If he is not living again after his death…the world would be doomed…but now I am sure we have peace with mind, with God, because of him. Even though the world still is seemingly to become worst, we, who believe, will carry peace with God. Peace that no money could buy.

It is not becoming poor to get close to him, nor becoming super rich, nor becoming necessarily a nun, nor afflicted by terminal disease to know God, or Jesus. He resides within us as we seek his face. He is found in everyday life, as we walk on the busy street, as we eat a hasty breakfast, as we check emails daily, as we take a bath, he is ready to fulfill our mind with his thoughts and his answers to life-toughest questions. Just, he is not internet who provides concise and click-on answer, but he lets us experience him one step after another. This is when life means God involves, and God is living.

–written on easter day

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